One of the most confusing things many men encounter in relationships is not anger, disagreement, or even conflict.

 
It is the expectation that they should somehow know things they were never told.
 
A man can spend years learning how to communicate clearly. If he wants food, he asks for food. If he wants directions, he asks for directions. If he wants to buy something, he tells the salesperson exactly what he wants. Most of life operates on this simple principle. People communicate what they want to the people who can provide it.
 
Yet many men discover that this rule often seems to disappear inside romantic relationships.
 
A woman may want affection but never ask for it. She may want a date night but never suggest one. She may want a vacation, a conversation, a compliment, or a particular activity, but instead of communicating it directly, she begins leaving clues.
 
The clues may come in the form of hints, mood changes, indirect comments, vague statements, or carefully crafted conversations designed to steer a man toward a conclusion she already reached in her own mind.
 
The problem is that the man is not inside her mind.
 
He is only hearing the words she actually says.
 
If she wants a hug, she can walk over and give him a hug. Most men will happily return the gesture. If she wants to go somewhere, she can say she would like to go there. If she wants to do something together, she can simply suggest it.
 
Instead, many men find themselves being tested on information they were never given.
 
Then comes the frustration.
 
The woman becomes upset because he failed to understand what she meant.
 
The man becomes confused because he understood exactly what she said.
 
Those are not always the same thing.
 
What makes this phenomenon particularly strange is that the same woman is often perfectly capable of direct communication in every other area of life.
 
She can order food at a restaurant.
 
She can explain a problem to customer service.
 
She can tell a doctor where it hurts.
 
She can tell a friend exactly what happened during an argument.
 
She can explain her needs to coworkers, supervisors, merchants, librarians, and complete strangers.
 
The ability to communicate clearly obviously exists.
 
Yet somehow the man closest to her often receives the least direct communication.
 
Many men have experienced situations where a woman claims she was communicating all along, only to later discover that every one of her friends knew exactly what she wanted.
 
Her friends knew because she told them.
 
Directly.
 
Clearly.
 
Precisely.
 
She explained the situation in plain language to them while giving the man only hints, implications, and fragments.
 
The result is predictable.
 
The friends understand.
 
The man does not.
 
Then the man is blamed for failing to solve a puzzle he never knew existed.
 
Over time this creates resentment on both sides.
 
The woman feels ignored because her desires are not being fulfilled.
 
The man feels frustrated because he is being held responsible for information he never received.
 
Neither person gets what they want.
 
The irony is that most of these situations could be resolved in a matter of seconds through direct communication.
 
A simple sentence often accomplishes more than a hundred hints.
 
A clear request often accomplishes more than a month of frustration.
 
The truth is that communication is not difficult when people choose to communicate.
 
It only becomes difficult when one person expects to be understood without being understood first.
 
No husband.
 
No boyfriend.
 
No man.
 
Can read a mind that refuses to speak plainly.
 
And no relationship becomes stronger when clarity is replaced by guessing games.