Four and a half years ago, my brother met a young woman. She was soft-spoken, sweet, and angelic-looking. At the time, she was only 21, while my brother was 26. She came from a respectable family–her parents had been married until her father passed away. My father and stepmother adored her and saw her as a perfect angel. However, I sensed a red flag when she told me she liked my brother because he had “so much potential.”
My brother and the rest of my family are unaware of the online groups or philosophies I align with, so I kept my thoughts to myself. But I couldn’t help pondering what she meant by “potential.” Potential for what? I knew she likely meant “money-making potential,” but I initially took her words at face value.
I thought about it more. Potential to be a top mechanic? A fabulous clothing designer? Her statement felt incomplete–not grammatically, but in terms of ideas. Did she not see potential in herself? Don’t we all, men and women, have the potential to achieve what we strive for? Yet, she seemed focused only on what my brother could offer her.
Soon after they began dating, my brother helped her secure a job in the city. As second in command to the mayor, he negotiated a great salary for her. This opportunity led to her moving to a prestigious accounting firm, where she eventually earned $130,000 annually–more than my brother’s salary.
During this time, they lived rent-free in my father’s basement, saving their money. My brother invested in distressed properties, renovating them and renting them out. Over time, he built a portfolio of three investment properties with six units, generating steady income. They eventually moved into a luxury apartment in the city, complete with amenities like a 24-hour gym, pool, sauna, jacuzzi, steam room, and sundeck. They seemed to be living the dream.
Then, on my brother’s birthday, she abruptly packed her things, left him, and moved back to her mother’s house in another state–quitting her job without notice. She quickly shifted her dependency from my brother to her mother. She also declared her intention to claim all their joint properties.
For a while, she continued texting my brother, but when he forwarded those messages to her mother, she blocked his number on her mom’s phone. Even her mother was appalled by her behavior. Eventually, she sent my brother a message saying she wanted no contact for two weeks because their relationship lacked “consistency.” The vagueness of her complaint frustrated my brother. She also gave him “permission” to have affairs but forbade him from moving another woman into their apartment. It was clear to me she was keeping my brother as a backup in case her new relationship didn’t work out.
When my brother visited my father’s house to discuss the situation, my father–81 and full of energy–insisted my brother should have been “nicer” to her, continuing to see her as an angel. My father even pointed out that she made more money than my brother.
I couldn’t hold back. I reminded my father that my brother had jumpstarted her career, securing her first job and helping her prepare for interviews. He also built three investment properties with six rental units, generating significant income for both of them. I argued that she should have been more grateful to him.
When my brother arrived, he shared her recent demands and claims of “inconsistency.” I asked him, “What consistency did you promise her that you failed to provide? What consistency did she expect that you failed to deliver? What consistency is she providing while imposing a two-week silence? Life doesn’t guarantee consistency, so why should you offer her more than life itself?”
I spent a week with him at his home, mostly listening. We didn’t talk much, but we spent nights on his rooftop deck, drinking expensive wine and champagne she had bought for special occasions. He begged me for my honest opinion. I told him that while I couldn’t be entirely unbiased as his brother, the facts were clear: she was acting like a spoiled child, unsure of what she wanted but expecting him to provide it anyway.
I gave him a plan: try to get her back, but work toward removing her name from their shared properties. If she returned, she should take a pregnancy test. If she refused to come back, buy out her share and sue her for half the rent and utilities she owed on the apartment.
By the end of the week, my brother decided to take a break. He took time off work and traveled to Colombia, where he is half-Colombian. On his first day there, he met a woman near his aunt’s house. She paid for their meals, drinks, and even drove him around in her car. My brother was stunned by her generosity. She expressed no interest in moving to the United States, as she was content with her career, but she was happy to be his girlfriend while he was there.
When he returned from Colombia, his ex-girlfriend hit him with a lawsuit, demanding full ownership of all three properties. However, when the case went to court, the judge ruled in my brother’s favor. He was only required to pay her $2,500.
Her lawyer later told my brother that he had advised her to settle for $10,000, but she had insisted on trying to take it all. Ironically, after paying her legal fees, she ended up with nothing.