Let’s face it: women are often drawn to bad men. I’ve spent a lifetime searching for someone who could be my wife and a loving mother to a warm, stable family. Yet, it rarely works out that way. It almost seems like the more love you show to them, the more they will overtly disrespect you.
Women will cry over the abusive man who left them, seek comfort in your arms to regain their balance, and then leave you for another abuser. It’s like a boxer retreating to their corner between rounds to be patched up by their trainer. She uses the man with resources for stability but ultimately returns to the one who hurts her. She may even tell the next man that you were abusive, as victimhood holds value when left unchallenged.
I know this all too well. Over 24 years of relationships, l’ve repeatedly watched women I cared about betray me for abusive men.
If you rescue a damsel in distress, care for her, provide for her, and protect her, she will often leave you for another abuser-only to become a damsel in distress once again. She enjoys being rescued.
I don’t drink, smoke, or use drugs, and I’ve never been to prison. I’ve lived a clean life, and I’ve always made sure that any woman I dated shared similar values. Despite this, many of my exes told me horror stories about the abusive, deceptive, and violent men they dated before me. Ironically, after we broke up, most of them ended up with men far worse.
Two of my exes started relationships with heroin addicts. Three others, including my ex-wife, got involved with heavy drinkers. One dated a man who was already married with two kids and had another child with a different woman in his home country. At the same time, he had two women pregnant—one in the Bronx and the other in Washington Heights.
One ex got involved with a car thief. I later read in the news that her boyfriend took her on a joyride in a stolen car. It ended in a high-speed chase on the Long Island Expressway, which led to a crash. He became paralyzed, and she suffered multiple broken bones.
Another ex moved in with a felon on parole, while yet another fell under the control of a pimp.
Most people who hear this might say, “You picked the wrong women,” or “Where do you find these women?”
My response is simple: “How can anyone predict someone’s future choices? Should I have earned a Ph.D. in human behavior by the time I was 19 just to date?”
This isn’t just my experience, though. I’ve seen similar patterns in the lives of friends, family, coworkers, classmates, and even neighbors. Stories like this appear in social media posts, YouTube videos, and elsewhere.
In conversations with corrections officers across the country, I’ve learned that most male inmates have children with multiple women, many of whom visit them regularly. Some inmates even begin new relationships with pen pals or other means. High-profile violent criminals often receive love letters from women worldwide after their arrests.
There’s even a troubling trend where women involved in prison ministries through local churches leave their husbands and children, give up alimony and shared property, and marry inmates serving long sentences or even life.