In my relentless quest to understand why men and women often seem fundamentally at odds, I sought answers from psychiatrists and other educated individuals. Yet, their conclusions always left me unsatisfied.
One day, I began meeting weekly with a minister to discuss the dynamics of relationships between men and women. After several weeks, he ended one of our sessions by saying, “The first commandment is the hardest to follow.”
For reference, the first commandment is:
Exodus 20:3
“Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”
I left his office puzzled. I had never worshipped other gods. I didn’t follow Zeus, Apollo, Thor, or Aphrodite. Why was this relevant to my search?
It took periods of intermittent reflection before I grasped the deeper meaning: we all make gods of one another.
The old saying, “Never meet your heroes,” illustrates this truth. When you meet your hero, they often fail to live up to the idealized image you’ve created, leaving you disappointed.
Parents who treat their children as if they can do no wrong fail to set boundaries or provide correction. Only gods are seen as incapable of wrongdoing.
In relationships, men often fall for women they perceive as goddesses. Their admiration blinds them to red flags and flaws. Meanwhile, women, guided by their emotions, may act impulsively, doing what feels good in the moment. The man–blinded by his idealized view of her–is unable or unwilling to address her faults. When she inevitably proves she is less than the goddess he imagined, he is devastated.
Conversely, a woman often rejects any man who falls short of the godlike figure she envisions. She desires a provider, protector, redeemer, and savior all in one. She expects an endless source of happiness, love, attention, and security–demands no man could ever fully satisfy. This attitude is evident in how easily she discards men for the slightest imperfection. Boyfriends, fiancés, and even husbands are rejected for momentary flaws, as no mere human can meet her divine expectations.