One day after work, I met up with a friend, his girlfriend, and a few co-workers at a lounge. His girlfriend decided to “educate” the men on the thought process of women.
She started by saying, “You men do not understand us women. You guys need to know that when a woman says ‘No,’ it can mean ‘No,’ but it can also mean ‘Try harder.’”
The men were puzzled by this and began asking her questions. They were eager to learn more, but they also knew who I was, so they kept an eye on me, expecting I would eventually speak up.
I stayed quiet until the questions stopped. Then I reached into my pocket, pulled out five $100 bills, and handed them to her.
She looked at the others, unsure of how to respond. Then she asked, “What is that for?”
“It’s for you. Take it,” I said.
She reached out sheepishly to take the money, and just before she touched it, I pulled it back.
“Why didn’t you tell me ‘No,’ even if you meant ‘No’ or ‘Try harder’?” I asked.
She hesitated and then said, “Well, there is no need for me to tell you ‘No’ or ‘Try harder.’ That money has value.”
“Exactly right,” I said.
I explained that if I ask a woman on a date and she says “No” and means “No,” I will respect her wishes. But if she says “No” meaning “Try harder,” that means she has no respect for me and sees no value in my offer. I asked the group if they would ever tell someone offering them a gift to “Try harder.” Everyone shook their heads.
This is a key example of dysfunctional female pseudo-logic.
Another time, I was in Miami at a nightclub with some friends. One of the younger guys with us was an incredible dancer. He asked a woman to dance, and she turned him down. Frustrated, he came to me and said he wanted to dance but got rejected. I looked over at the bar and saw six women lined up nursing drinks and watching the dance floor.
I told him to ask them one by one.
“What if they turn me down?” he asked.
“If one turns you down, ask the next. Keep going until one says yes,” I replied.
By the third woman, he had a dance partner. That third woman understood he would not ask twice, and she might miss out if she refused. They danced together brilliantly, and soon the women who had rejected him looked annoyed and jealous as people complimented the pair.
Later, the first woman he had asked came to me and said, “Your friend is stupid.”
“I know,” I answered.
She clearly wanted me to ask why so she could explain, but I didn’t. Annoyed, she blurted out, “He only asked me once. I would have danced with him if he asked again.”
I told her I would let him know when he returned.
This is exactly the same “No means try harder” game. She had put a barrier in front of him to see if he desired her enough to break through it.
Women will put roadblocks in front of themselves to see if a man will push past them. She will say “No” when she really means “Try harder.” Not all “No” responses mean that, but some do, entirely at her discretion, which makes the situation precarious.
Once you recognize this behavior, you have a choice. You can shut it down early, or you can walk away. Either way, knowing what you are dealing with is critical, because not knowing can be costly.
As a teen, you might have had a girl suddenly stop a make-out session or interrupt intimacy with, “Where is this relationship going?” No matter how you answer, she becomes more frustrated, because her own roadblock prevented you from pursuing her. She asks for what she does not want and gets upset when you comply.
I once had a girlfriend who, from the moment I arrived at her place, was glued to the phone. She stayed on it through dinner and even after I went to bed. Only when I was asleep did she make her move. From her perspective, she was angry that her own deliberate block, endless phone conversations, had actually kept me away from her.
When you ask for a woman’s number or name (which is the wrong approach), her immediate reaction is often “Why?” That question itself is the block. It’s a rule she wants you to break.
A better move is to hand her your phone, already in dial mode, and tell her to put her number in. Asking might be seen as begging, but giving a direct order is sometimes perceived as confidence. She may still say “No” or ask “Why,” but if you persist without anger or frustration, she might give in. Keep in mind she may still mean “No,” and if so, you should be ready to walk away.
You have probably heard the phrase, “I want a man who knows what he wants.” What she really means is, “I want a man who knows what he wants from me no matter how much I try to stop him.” To her, a man who pushes through her barriers is “putting her in her place.”
In all these examples, a woman is using manipulation to get you to perform to her expectations. She uses lies or obstacles to test your desire for her, then rewards you if your reaction meets her approval.
So, if you have plans with a woman and she suddenly gives you a hard time at the last minute, that is a block. Your move is to stay focused, be firm about the plan, and ignore her complaints without showing frustration. Do not nurture or encourage this behavior, because it will escalate.
There is far more on this in Part 3, where I explain why women leave men, why they like criminals, and why they take children away from fathers while claiming those fathers never loved their kids.
