In 2007 I met a woman named Melissa at a political venue while supporting a presidential candidate. She lived close to me and came from the same small European country as I did. Married since 1980, which I naively thought made her safe. Back then I believed women fell into only two categories, those who love their families and those who do not. I had not yet learned how wrong I was.
We attended political conferences together, rode the New York City subway, traveled with groups to Washington DC, New Hampshire, Philadelphia, and other cities. She was friendly with some of my other friends, so she was always in the mix. Eventually I met her husband and learned she had three children. He was a decent man. Which made what came later all the more revealing.
One day I saw her lecturing a group of younger women, telling them to marry for money, to find a man who could keep them comfortable. She said it like it was a fact of nature, not advice. I should have seen it as her playbook, but I let it slide.
She once bragged about faking arguments to see where people go. That was not a quirk, it was a loyalty test. She was measuring weaknesses, looking for exits. I called her on it, asked her how long she faked them, what kind of arguments, and what the point was. She dropped it.
Years passed. Calls went from monthly to twice a year. We rarely crossed paths. Then COVID hit and suddenly she was calling every week. We talked about keeping our families safe, about surviving without work, about riding out the storm.
At the end of the COVID scare I told her about an argument with my nephew that made me cancel my offer to buy his two kids houses. She ignored the family issue and asked if I really had that kind of money. I said yes, because I am not married.
Soon after, she asked me to set up her new computer. I offered to do it remotely, but she claimed she did not trust the remote software. She wanted me at her apartment. I went. She cooked dinner. Her husband came home, we exchanged pleasantries. I suspected nothing.
Then one day she told me I should find someone to share my life with, that I needed a companion. Women sometimes say this as a way of hinting they want you to pick them without saying it directly. I did not see this at that time. I told her I had been single for 25 years, divorced, and happy. Every woman I had been with either found a reason to leave or acted like such a child I had to walk away. I said I wanted no part of it.
She pressed. I said no, I do not want to be anyone’s boyfriend. Not mama’s boyfriend, not grandma’s boyfriend. I will not fund a fully grown adult who refuses to support herself. She kept pushing. I said no, I am not doing this.
She said, “You picked the wrong ones.” I said she was right. I do pick the wrong ones. That is why I do not pick anymore. Her tone shifted. She changed the subject to politics but took a position I had never heard her take. I questioned her. We argued. She accused me of not liking her, called me a false friend, and hung up. She never called again.
It hit me immediately,this was her fake argument trick. Months later I heard her husband was about to retire, and his salary would drastically be reduced. Friends also asked why I had “made a move” on her. At 61, with her at 68, I had no interest. But I have seen this move before.
Women make advances, and when rejected, they reverse the story. I have seen it since I was ten. In my teens, mothers of friends hit on me, and when I refused, they told their kids to stay away from me. Girlfriends’ mothers have tried it. It is the same playbook. Turn the man into the aggressor when he says no.
The only thing that changed between me and Melissa was that she learned I had money. She thought I would break up her family to spend it on her. That was never going to happen. But like any monkey swinging through the trees, she was already searching for her next branch before letting go of the one she was on.
